Not so much soft as wet..

I got a pillow in the post today. Yeah.

I ordered this last week: water based pain pillow

I hate waking up in the morning. Me and the morning have never had a solid relationship, but this pain thing has put us on really, really bad terms.

I read the reviews and thought i’d try it out…but I think i’d avertsie it just for the simple fact that it made me laugh.

It comes with a special funnel that you use to fill it up with water and it seems you can adjust it between  ‘soft’, ‘firm’ and ‘hard’. I am starting with firm because a) that is reccomended for the neck pain and b) I am trying to think ahead…this isn’t the most water I could use which means it is less to clear up if/when I wake up in a puddle.

I am a bit nervous about the whole concept to be honest, but if sleeping in a posh puddle leaves me able to move my head before taking a ridculous amount of perscription pain killers I am willing to cope with the nerves.

I am also winnig on the pillow fight front.

The boyfriend has a very annoying of habit of sleeping ON me. He claims it is loving but it is less on a hug and more squashing…wondering if the fact my head will now be dramatically higher than his may mean he has less bruises in the mornings.

I will keep you updated on my puddle pillow adventures! (it is already pleasing just to sit with it on my lap..the weight of the water combined with pillow softness is somehow reassuring..although I feel a bit like a freak).

In Heat today (i know, I know) It reported Sarah Harding’s addiction to the exact same sleeping pill I have been on for about six or seven years; zopiclone, Sarah Harding.

As always, when this ‘celebrity news’ breaks I feel as if I am missing out…the damn pill still does not make me sleep and I do not get the ‘euphoria’ reported by all major headlines. True, I am not mixing it with a gazillion bottles of wine a day but back when I was I still did not get those lovely sounding ‘blackouts’ touted by the press. Why are addictions so glorified by the press? It is kind of sexy sounding when a celeb goes into rehab..or goes to hang out with sober mates to try and ‘clean up’. It isn’t like that for us mere mortals.

The problems I had with addictions cost me my friends, yes..but alos my dignity, my self worth and my identity….let alone all the money..oh, and trust, respect and very nearly my life. Unlike SH and the like I do not have the option of checking into a ‘sexy’ rehab clinic. As it stands I have been fighting the NHS in my area for over a year for the oppertunity to go to a specialised inpatient unit for my eating disorder..and of late i have been fighting for even basic talk therapy.

Mental health is not sexy..it will never be accurately pictured by the media, not even the ‘sensational, real life’ stories (that are edited, truncated and mis-qoutes are used as headlines.)

I guess it frustrates me that a celebrity fights with alcohol/pills.drugs and all the ‘celeb friends’are quoted saying..’they should just go to rehab’..as if it is a quick fix or a walk in the part. Firstly, for us normally screwed up addicts, it is just that easy and secondly..rehab/hospitalization can only ever start you on the road to self healing/health.

Bleck. Rant over…I am going to go prod my water pillow some more and cross my fingers for more than a few minuites sleep before waking up in pain.

( I am currently reading self-help books on the topic of Fibro, reviews to come shortly).

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