No, not knitting my dreams, that would be fucking freaking, I have been dreaming about Tamagotchi’s and that dream where you are driving-a-car-but-can’t-reach-the-wheel..(odd, as I eleced to give up on driving lessons after two instructors that attempted to get me to reverse around the corner had heart attacks. Not joking).
Anyway..I really really want to make one of these;
I am going to – once again, embark on the possibly dangerous adventure of teaching myself to knit pretty stuff.
Way back when I was IP in Oxford the ‘inmates’..sorry, patients..all clacked their needles together in a, frankly scary, war beat and resolved to make a blanket. The challenge was set. Everyone knitted..all the time. All. The. Time. As one inmate/patient left another took thier place and picked up the needles. I am pretty sure everyone aside from me were handed an extra information leaflet about their stay which read; ‘knitting needles are as integral to your recovery as willingness to attend group therapy and eat meals’.
I have heard many times that people with eating disorders or ‘problem’ personalities, such as BPDers are unusually creative. In my experience that seems to mean they all came from the womb armed with knitting needles and were making wonky socks by the age of 11 months. Even the boys could knit!! Everyone…but not me.
Maybe if I had not been so premature I would not have missed the ‘knitting gene’. Maybe I too would have the inbuilt ability to know that a ’round’ is not always a scone..and ‘peal one’ is not a reference to a posh necklace. I blame the fact I made my entrance into this world at 24 weeks on many things..like the fact I will never be able to stand on one leg..or use a skipping rope with out ending up in an ambulance, bounce a ball or not fall over in the dark. Lots of things but these upsetting instances seem no where near as disabling as my inability to hold knitting needles.
When I was IP they went flying out the window. At university when my cool,geeky-chic housemates tried to teach me how to knit the needles very nearly went into various orifices..(theirs, not mine.)
I am a grumpy learner.
However….today, that may just change.
My desire from a blanket that is..possible a lot like the one ‘they’ all made when I was in IP..is strong enough to conteract my huge lack of ability. I have ordered wool and knitting needles, I have ordered a book and I have made my mother swear on BigDog that she will help me.
I am mentally training. I am watching Youtube clips and tutorials and practicing breathing techniques. I am counting to ten when frustration hits and I am ‘visualizing the end product’. I am making SMART goals centered around knitting. I am reading the advice of others, I am encouraged, inspired and calm. Who says all these years of therapy were wasted?!
The wool and all that should arrive soon…
I will keep you updated, just Watch This Space..
(Good luck messages appreciated)