Archive for April, 2012
Meet BigDog & Me. He dog is a Lurcher, a Greyhound-Saluki cross. In non-dog-breed terms this means Very Fucking Fast. We recently took him to a dog-track day for Lurchers (well, Dad and boy did, I was busy being mad and storking owls in a physic unit)
We just got an e-mail with details of next months club meet, and it came with the break down of his First Ever Race.
I am very proud
He ran 100 meters in 7.04 seconds and 21.8 seocnds for 260 meters. He came first for the 100 m and second for 260. He did the 260 meters in 21.8 seconds and was just beaten by another Saluki Cross who ran it in 21.56 seconds. I feel like a proud mother, literally sitting here grinning.
The next meet is also Fancy Dress for Dog and owner. I desperately want to win it. So I need matching (easily made) costumes for Me, Dog, Brother and The Boy. (Dad is pulling catbum face and refuses to dress up.. boring!!)
I pretty much love this…
but I do not think Dog would allow it, and as I can only hand sew..also unpractical for Runnig V Fast In? I think so!
I also like this next one..and am all for Unseasonable costumes…..but I do not think it would win me the prize, too easy!
Dog are good for your health. I now have something to sit on the sofa and obsesses about. The pain killers kill the pain, but dogs kill the boredom….At some point in my life I AM going to start a campaign about having Dogs of Mental Illness in the Uk. America gets all the fun. Dogs for emotional support and Pay Day Bars. (If any random american reads this Please post me pay day bars. Amazon is asking for £3.50 for three bars plus £4.50 shipping. I am mortified.)
Back to the Original Topic..Tell me what I should dress up BigDog (and me!) in?!!!
Dress up suggestions please!!
Met a Psychic in A&E!!
She was a bit of a rubbish psychic though, who asked a rude question and made some close-to-the-truth
guesses predictions. It was strange…and, unfortunately there are no other interesting stories of A&E, it was just I lost the ability to walk in town, had no wheelchair, everyone was busy.. sitting in town for 5 hours on my own, unable to move and in pain was not an option so a a non-emergency paramedic took me too sit in a ‘safe place’ until I was collected. Felt as if I needed some sort of badge with ‘Lost Property’ on it. It was not that bad, but I was a bit doolally with the pain & exhaustion so it was all a bit of a blur, aside from the Psychic. I got home, made yesterdays post, and attempted to sleep. Thrilling.
I was all ‘Yay, I will post all the most intresting stuff today ever and be loved, adored and feel clever and a bit more like the writer I want to be’
And…No. Because I am MrsMoanyPants today. Chronic pain is shit. Depression is shit. My hair is shit.
Instead….I wanted to post a useful link for any other miserables. CBT can be pretty magic for pain/depression/whatever. On this site it is free. And there is a man with a soothing voice..that sold it for me really! Self help is a good thing, so I like sites like this.
In other news..
I have a new favorite artist. She is called Katheryn Harvey (I just made boy go squint at the name on the painting on the wall, bless him, he then had to spell it to me about five times…*cough*)
We have ‘Harry’ on our wall & what with being placed on the sofa this morning & being unable to get off it..I have be admiring it. It makes me smile.
Beautiful, isn’t he! More can be found.. Kathryn Harvey. About three years ago she had a small stall on the beach in Aberystwyth..and I saw Harry in my student days, it was love at first sight. I knew my Mum would love him too, so a few years later Kathryn had a shop next to the beach, and I bullied my siblings into going shares on the price as a present for mum.
I have been staring at ‘Reg’ all day and when I Have A Proper Life I will have him.
There..from A&E, to CBT, to Rabbit Paintings. You can tell I just started writing, eh?
Really, I am not.
I am whacked out my head on painkillers and new shiny head fixing psych meds, I feel a bit like I am drunk though..my head is full of cotton wool and I am sending inappropriate texts to a friend. Well, they are not inappropriate per say, just more ‘LOOK I Am Telling A Period Joke’ ..and i would not normally do that with out worrying about it for three hours beforehand, because I am oh-so-cool and utterly not an over-thinking weirdy.
So not drunk really..but I realized, in jumping to that whatcamacallit….comparison..I have realized I have actually forgotten what drunk feels like…just hazy memories of actions I mostly regret.
Anyway, this is my not-drunk-drunk post proclaiming I WILL POST TOMORROW..much like the way a drunk woman in A&E was clinging on to the nurse and saying thank you, thank you, I love you, do you know that, I really love you? (I do want to know the back story behind that one!! Did they know each other, and are actually friends? Did the nurse look like someone drunk-woman does know?Or was Nurse really a random stranger?)
Oh, and I blame everything on the meds. New rule. My post is shit? Meds! Raining? Meds! Sunny? Meds! I want to eat 800 calories of chocolate rabbit in one sitting but refuse a carrot for calories? Meds? Nothing I am writing make sense? Meds!
No, really, it is the meds!!
I am imagining my poor neglected blog hudled in a corner – looking up at me with BPD style ‘HOW COULD YOU LEAVE ME?!’ eyes. I am accused. I am guilty.
I went mad. That does not usually stop me wiritng but it did this time. I think I feel uninteresting. My life drips along. Things happen. I knit. I sit. I stare. I smoke. That is it. But…post-going-mad-and-ending-up-stroking-owls-in-a-psych-hopsital (there really were real life owls) I realised I missed my silly little blog, so I have come back, tail between my legs and rattling with good intentions to Post Every Day. (It won’t happen, but they say it is the thought that counts, right? Does that gets out clause of life work in this situation too?)
This little one was my favorite. There was also a classic ‘Harry Potter Owl’ (obvs a better, more understandable nickname than the actual name-of-breed which I seem to have forgotten) and a massive Eagle Owl. So that was fun..not that I would put myself in hospital just to poke an owl, but it was an added bonus. I also got to make stuff from clay (a very wobbly 5-years-olds-can-do-better filter tip pot).
Where was I going with this?
Ah. yes. I have ultimately decided it is okay to Blog even if I do feel as If my life lacks achievment, worth, and anything remotely interesting…mostly because I feel all that is a Naughty Lie told my Depression Head and causes me to isolate myself more until things get to the pre-hospital stage where I am incapable of talking/moving/thinking because everything just feels so fucking worthless.
I am still doing all the crafty things. Phone cases still being my specialism. I still think it is one of the best ‘recovery tools’ I have stumbled across, it keeps my hands busy (important as I am a terrible skin picker, and when anxious I get crazy hand tics that only serve to make me look more crazy which = people staring which = more axiety. An evil spiral. So I have been known to knit while walking..really.) I have also disocvered card making, which I enjoy because it swallows up whole chunks of day in one big crafty lump..but I do not yet feel my efforts are worhty of blog photos. but, when I can afford it (emblellishments are an expensive little habbit) I endevour to become amazing so I can show off my skills to Blog Land. Yeah! Bet you are so damn excited now too. *rolls eyes*
Anyway, I recently made my friend a phone case..I learnt how to knit with alternating colours, and bought a big mutli packet of buttons..the two sort of got lumped together in my glee of having new things to play with. This is the result:
this is my most recent one, for a friend. I know the buttons are sort of wonky. I was having a minor (major) panic attack and button-sewing as distraction. Am hoping she will think it looks ‘quirky and handmade’ rather than ‘shit’. If you know me IRL..or sort of IRL..like..Good Place Friends (you know how you are) feel free to give me and order for colours/style/dimensions and I will happily knit you a case and send it your way. As the people who I keep ringing to buy houses from keep reminding me, it is not like I have a job!
Yes. I am house shopping. Although, I am still a bit disillusioned to find it is so much more stressful than nipping to Tesco’s for doughnuts. It IS a Good Exciting Positive Thing..but it also makes e want to tear my hair out. I have lived in many places…I think i have moved about 7 times since fleeing my parents abode at 17, but they were all tempoary places to sleep at, not really Houses To Live In so it did not matter that they were mouldy shitholes. Now it does and i feel far too grown up for my liking.
We are also looking to buy our own furniture. Buy it! Which also feels Old And Wise as i have always, always managed to find furnished housing that the past. The idea of a blank slate appeals though, partly because I can choose the ugly furniture rather than having it forced on me, and because the metaphor is a nice one. I feel like I am nesting. Me, the Boy and the cat we are going to re-home (even if boy is not yet aware of this.) So, furniture is expensive, everyone knows that..but this is the first time I have even internet-window-shopped for things like shelves. I found an amazing second hand recycled furniture place, that sells perfectly good ‘preloved’ stuff very cheaply. Am literally itching to go there. Asdie from craft shops I can’t really think of a more appealing day trip. (and I do realize that says far more about me than it should!)
On the notes of ‘objects that tell you too much about my personality’ I also seem to have developed an object-crush on wrapping paper.
Seriously. As well as constantly Googling Houses, Stuff to put in house, Stuff to put in house that I will never ever afford, ever and doughnuts I am also addicted to posh fancy wrapping paper. I love it. Possibly more than the thrill of wondering what is inside. I need to send a gift soon & I begun the supposedly simple task of shopping for some gift wrap (online of course, the internet is the social phobics bestest friend) and, I can’t do it. I can’t buy any because I simply want ALL of it. I tried to choose some last night (aka 4 am this morning >.<) and my ‘basket’ came to a total of £20. *jaw drop* I am very worried a similar thing will occur when I actually arrive at shop for house things. Every room will be burting with chairs. There will be nothing by chairs and sofa’s.
Easter. That happened too. I dislike the huuuuge amount of Eating-Diosrder panic that ensues when chocolate is around..but, I did get to wear my bunny ears (which I will happily admit, I have worn in public more than once, and to sevral seminars during my undergrad degree).
Despite apperances I am not actually posing in that photo! I was watching the dog and had no idea that Boy has stolen my camera!
I have run out of words. Which is probably a good thing. But i will be back, hopefully a lot sooner than the last time.