Posts Tagged CBT

Hello my name is Mrs MoanyPants and I…

Met a Psychic in A&E!!

She was a bit of a rubbish psychic though, who asked a rude question and made some close-to-the-truth guesses  predictions. It was strange…and, unfortunately there are no other interesting stories of A&E, it was just I lost the ability to walk in town, had no wheelchair, everyone was busy.. sitting in town for 5 hours on my own, unable to move and in pain was not an option so a a non-emergency paramedic took me too sit in a ‘safe place’ until I was collected. Felt as if I needed some sort of badge with ‘Lost Property’ on it. It was not that bad, but I was a bit doolally with the pain & exhaustion so it was all a bit of a blur, aside from the Psychic. I got home, made yesterdays post, and attempted to sleep. Thrilling.

I was all ‘Yay, I will post all the most intresting stuff today ever and be loved, adored and feel clever and a bit more like the writer I want to be’

And…No. Because I am MrsMoanyPants today. Chronic pain is shit. Depression is shit. My hair is shit.

Instead….I wanted to post a useful link for any other miserables. CBT can be pretty magic for pain/depression/whatever. On this site it is free. And there is a man with a soothing voice..that sold it for me really! Self help is a good thing, so I like sites like this.

CBT and a soothing voice (Living Life To The Full)

In other news..

I have a new favorite artist. She is called Katheryn Harvey (I just made boy go squint at the name on the painting on the wall, bless him, he then had to spell it to me about five times…*cough*)

We have ‘Harry’ on our wall & what with being placed on the sofa this morning & being unable to get off it..I have be admiring it. It makes me smile.

Beautiful, isn’t he! More can be found.. Kathryn Harvey. About three years ago she had a small stall on the beach in Aberystwyth..and I saw Harry in my student days, it was love at first sight. I knew my Mum would love him too, so a few years later Kathryn had a shop next to the beach, and I bullied my siblings into going shares on the price as a present for mum.

I have been staring at ‘Reg’ all day and when I Have A Proper Life I will have him.

There..from A&E, to CBT, to Rabbit Paintings. You can tell I just started writing, eh?




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Therapy woes and Personality Disorders

Not a happy bunny

I am not a happy bunny at the moment, although possibly less grumpy and more melancholic than the bunny in the picture. I do not know how to draw melancholy.

Some links that may help make this post make more sense – DSM for BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) DSM for Anorexia DSM for Bulimia DSM for EDNOS

The Eating Woman was not very helpful, although I am pretty sure it is a) my mindset toward treatment in general and b) the personality clash that seems to be going on, rather than any major wrong doing on her part. Nonetheless I have been sulking since I saw her and licking my (metaphorical) wounds..

Therapy is not easy, as I said in a previous post I saw my first therapist when I was 14 and have not really been ‘out of the system’ since then. Someone from an online forum today said to me it was hard when you have been in therapy since a young age as you are forced to take on a persona of a ‘miniature adult’ both in terms of responding to your immediate chaotic environment and in terms of beginning of the path to understanding yourself. I agree with this statement wholeheartedly, although I do feel I apply it too liberally to my own situation in an attempt to dampen down the more difficult parts of therapy…

Tips of Therapy (and BPD) from

Why is it hard? Isn’t it just moaning about how you feel?

Yes, and no. I think that therapy is very much individual, even if you are under a specific ‘treatment programme’..therapists, also, be they psychologists, clinical nurses, psychiatrists or any other -ist, do seem to have their own expectations that they bring to the room. Even in behavioural therapies, such as cognitive (CBT) or dialectal (DBT) seem to vary from clinician to clinician and I think this is appropaite but slightly confusing. I spent nearly 24 months in a DBT treatment group while I was studying for my BA and the group would change significantly depending on which group leader was in charge. It always surprised me that this used to alter the atmosphere of the room more than the emotions of the ‘service users’..(other mad people in the group)..I suppose I adopted an ‘us against them’ mentality and thought our emotional distress would sway the agenda much more than the planning of a trained therapist.

I think that therapists often know a lot more than the ‘client’ thinks they do..and also has a much greater role in a grop context. It has always surprised me when I have had an opportunity to see my notes (not a very nice experience)…I think when you have been in therapy for a long time you (well, me) tends to think they already know what the shrink/doctor/whatever is going to think..this is wrong, contray to my understanding therapists are not robots, but actual people with minds of there own.

Well, that was a bit of a directionless rant wasn’t it?

I am lost in therapy at the moment because I am considered ‘complex’ with many ‘co-morbid’ psychiatric diagnoses.

The main aim of any therapy I have ever been in is to focus on my Eating Disorder, probably because it has the most physical health issues directly attached to it. I have also been labelled with Emotional Unstable Personality Disorder, more commonly known as Borderline Personality Disorder (EUP or BPD)..

As a population, patients with BPD are more likely than Joe Blogs to develop an ED, with 21.7% developing Anorexia Nervosa and 24% developing Bulimia Nervosa..(I beleive that the percentage of people with EDNOS..eating disorder not otherwise specified…would be even higher, but unfortunately this is still not as well known or respected as a concreated diagnoses as ‘pure’ ED’s) Info and statistics from

It is a commonly debated chicken-or-egg type problem..if someone has BPD and an ED..which do you treat first?

I, personally, would like more of a focus on what, supposedly, translates as my BPD symptoms, as I think if the thoughts, the anxiety and my general lack of abiltiy to be normal is made magically ‘all better’ or at least just..slightly altered for the better..I may then be able to think more openly about letting go of my ED, which is my most prevelant coping mechanism. (I do wonder if this is just me using excuses because I am too scared though.)

Anyway, I think therapy is an interesting topic to input into Google. I am always interested in any changes that are made in treatment or any new articles that are released. I love hearing other peoples experiences of therapy, treatment and what works and what doesn’t.

Dr D, my current ED Psych (Eating disorder psychologist) constantly tells me I am being ‘treatment resistant’ in both talk therapy and because I seem largely unaffected by even gross amounts of medication. I think the medication thing is very common in people with underlying BPD and personality disorders as a whole. I agree with the element about medication but I do think she is wrong, to an extent, about the eating disorder. I am not anti-recovery..I am just scared, and feel like If I launch into good ship ‘meal plan’ and ‘weight restoration’ at the moment all my big-bad feelings that I beat down using my ED will come and bash me and leave me in a heap on the floor unable to move. I do understand that this view point is pretty contrary, there are so many people out there that are so pro-recovery, and I do not dismiss that or think it is a bad thing, I have the greatest respect for anyone who has taken on an Eating Disorder and won, it must be such a hard and unforgiving fight..but, I just do not feel as if I have the inner resources or i suppose, the hope, to embark on that perilous journey yet. I suppose I am a big wuss.

I cannot really imagine myself outside of the realm of mental illness. I have had a lot of therapy and I am sure it is my fault, not the fault of anyone clinician or therapist that I have not yet won this I said, I am not a happy bunny at the moment and I think the overall atmosphere of this post reflects that..what I say now is not necessarily very indicative of my general attitude, I get very frustrated that my viewpoint on things and the amount of hope I harbor differs so very dramatically. Depression and the utter fight it takes to even get out of new newly decorated bed is exhausting, this is not always so.

I very much feel for anyone currently struggling with depression, eating disorders or any other mental-wonkyness…or even just plain old, run of the mill discontent. I am lucky to have a good support team; as I said before I have a very good CPN, an ED Pysch who makes me go and feel miserable (which I think does me good) an Eating Disorder Dietitian, a psychiatrist and a very supportive boyfriend/fiance and family. I know I am one of the lucky ones..but, still, it is difficult.

Sirius Project < if you have not encountered this website before it provides very good, clear information on BPD, self harm, ED’s and other mental health issues, I like it as it is very clearly written, check it out.

I am trying to find other Blog’s that deal with similar issues that I am facing, I know there are many out there so if you read this feel free to plug yours or others that you like.

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Rocket based anxiety and more cats.

I like stumbleupon

I like this article which it kindly threw out into my net-o-sphere for me today; it’s not all about you

It is a good idea, and a good study – I am all for things that may lesson anxiety – but I fear there are many people out there that will not believe it. Or rather, there are so many people out there whose negative thinking habbits will not allow them to believe it.

The problem with anxiety is that it seems to be rooted in negative thinking, so people who suffer from this kind of disorder are self-obsessed in a self depreciating sort of way. Automatic thoughts are common.

To take the example of dropping a drink as used in the above article;

Person without anxiety disorder; OMG I just dropped my drink in my lap. I bet everyone is looking at me and laughing. I feel stupid. *goes to get another drink*

Person with anxiety disorder; OMG I just dropped my drink in my lap. I bet everyone is looking at me and laughing. I feel stupid. I am stupid. Everyone is going to hate me, eveything good I have done ever now counts as useless. I am an ineffectual and pathetic person because I cannot even remind my fingers to grip a drink, talking of fingers, my fingers are much more stupid than everyone elses. Everyone is going to be looking at my stupid fingers and my stupid face and that girls over there looks sad and i think it is because of me..and I bet that the war was because of me and that no-one can get a cardboard rocket to space because I am here and and ohgodIcantbreathe…*is mortified and replays situation in mind for ten years*

Obviously this aboive scenario is an over-dratization and anxiety/depression is not that simplified…similarly, normally, I and other anxious people are aware that we can not single handedley be held responsible for the War/lack of cardboard rockets..but I do worry about it. If you do worry about war/rockets/fingers and your involvement in such things this may help – a site with good stuff about automatic thoughts and anxiety LOTS OF CAPITAL LETTERS!

As may this –

Anxiety UK

It has been a few months since I have had the pleasure of spilling a drink down myself but nonetheless anxiety is still a huge part of my life. I remember when I first began therapy I was given so many graphs promising that the horrible vile feelings of anxiety would not out last my distress and that I would NOT spontaneously combust before I ever felt calm again. Nine years after first seeing one of these graphs I am beginning to understand the theory but the ‘IneedthisfeelingtostopNOW’ is a very difficult to crack. Despite turnig into a vertiable medication chest at various times over the last decade I do think I have made more progress using ACT Therapy as well as DBT Therapy (more about the fun of group therapy experiences to come in other post.) This has all worked better than the drugs for anxiety I have been on, although the drugs provided a short term gratification it was my thinking that needed to alter. I am not stamping on the idea of medication for anxiety as I know when my depression is bad I need them for a chemical kick up the arse but I think there is a tendency to rely on them and therefore to utterly ignore the fact the you feeling like you cause all the bad things that ever happened ever is a slightly misplaced logical leap. 

Today I saw my CPN (community practice nurse) she is lovely and kind enough to come to the house so I can sit in my dressing gown at 9:30 am and moan about my insignificant issues rather than having to complete the death defying task of getting on a bus with other human beans on it. In return for her seeing me looking, frankly sexy, in my Primark dressing gown with unwashed hair I make her a mean cup of coffee with just a tad too much Nescafe. (I like to think of her going to her next appointment on a bit of a high.) She is trying to convince me to begin to volunteer for the Mental Health Board in my county meaning I’d get to help do exciting things like sit in on interviews for new Therapists and pitch ideas for new support groups. I tried to tell her I am too worried about how-much-glue-to-put-on-rockets to use my time constructively but I looked through the paper work she left and it actually looks pretty exciting. (I also like the idea of conferences, mostly because they may provide biscuits and free pens. Biscuits and Biro’s are the way to my heart.)

I like my CPN a lot. I know that for me working out what sort of therapy works best for me has been massive to my recovery. For instance talking for hours about all the stuff that happened years and years ago does not help me deal with it, it just makes me sad and weepy and liable to isolate myself for everyone so I can hide in a pit of duvet and cake crumbs and feel sorry for myself. Clever words about the Pros and Cons of Psychotherapy


It feels a bit lame that therapy is something I could talk about for a long time but I DO think it is Very Important that people who do go to Shrinks and Doctors and Therapists know that they have a choice in what treatment they get. There is no shame in needing help and it is more than okay to squeeze the best you can out of that help – all the professionals are there for you and to not exploit all their learning, thoughts and help is counterproductive. It is a bit like microwaving an ice cream cake, you are just not going to get the best from it if you do not follow the instructions on the box. (Eat from freezers, with spoon all to yourself.)

I’m going to draw some pictures. I will be back later.

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