Posts Tagged pain

Hello my name is Mrs MoanyPants and I…

Met a Psychic in A&E!!

She was a bit of a rubbish psychic though, who asked a rude question and made some close-to-the-truth guesses  predictions. It was strange…and, unfortunately there are no other interesting stories of A&E, it was just I lost the ability to walk in town, had no wheelchair, everyone was busy.. sitting in town for 5 hours on my own, unable to move and in pain was not an option so a a non-emergency paramedic took me too sit in a ‘safe place’ until I was collected. Felt as if I needed some sort of badge with ‘Lost Property’ on it. It was not that bad, but I was a bit doolally with the pain & exhaustion so it was all a bit of a blur, aside from the Psychic. I got home, made yesterdays post, and attempted to sleep. Thrilling.

I was all ‘Yay, I will post all the most intresting stuff today ever and be loved, adored and feel clever and a bit more like the writer I want to be’

And…No. Because I am MrsMoanyPants today. Chronic pain is shit. Depression is shit. My hair is shit.

Instead….I wanted to post a useful link for any other miserables. CBT can be pretty magic for pain/depression/whatever. On this site it is free. And there is a man with a soothing voice..that sold it for me really! Self help is a good thing, so I like sites like this.

CBT and a soothing voice (Living Life To The Full)

In other news..

I have a new favorite artist. She is called Katheryn Harvey (I just made boy go squint at the name on the painting on the wall, bless him, he then had to spell it to me about five times…*cough*)

We have ‘Harry’ on our wall & what with being placed on the sofa this morning & being unable to get off it..I have be admiring it. It makes me smile.

Beautiful, isn’t he! More can be found.. Kathryn Harvey. About three years ago she had a small stall on the beach in Aberystwyth..and I saw Harry in my student days, it was love at first sight. I knew my Mum would love him too, so a few years later Kathryn had a shop next to the beach, and I bullied my siblings into going shares on the price as a present for mum.

I have been staring at ‘Reg’ all day and when I Have A Proper Life I will have him.

There..from A&E, to CBT, to Rabbit Paintings. You can tell I just started writing, eh?




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Not so much soft as wet..

I got a pillow in the post today. Yeah.

I ordered this last week: water based pain pillow

I hate waking up in the morning. Me and the morning have never had a solid relationship, but this pain thing has put us on really, really bad terms.

I read the reviews and thought i’d try it out…but I think i’d avertsie it just for the simple fact that it made me laugh.

It comes with a special funnel that you use to fill it up with water and it seems you can adjust it between  ‘soft’, ‘firm’ and ‘hard’. I am starting with firm because a) that is reccomended for the neck pain and b) I am trying to think ahead…this isn’t the most water I could use which means it is less to clear up if/when I wake up in a puddle.

I am a bit nervous about the whole concept to be honest, but if sleeping in a posh puddle leaves me able to move my head before taking a ridculous amount of perscription pain killers I am willing to cope with the nerves.

I am also winnig on the pillow fight front.

The boyfriend has a very annoying of habit of sleeping ON me. He claims it is loving but it is less on a hug and more squashing…wondering if the fact my head will now be dramatically higher than his may mean he has less bruises in the mornings.

I will keep you updated on my puddle pillow adventures! (it is already pleasing just to sit with it on my lap..the weight of the water combined with pillow softness is somehow reassuring..although I feel a bit like a freak).

In Heat today (i know, I know) It reported Sarah Harding’s addiction to the exact same sleeping pill I have been on for about six or seven years; zopiclone, Sarah Harding.

As always, when this ‘celebrity news’ breaks I feel as if I am missing out…the damn pill still does not make me sleep and I do not get the ‘euphoria’ reported by all major headlines. True, I am not mixing it with a gazillion bottles of wine a day but back when I was I still did not get those lovely sounding ‘blackouts’ touted by the press. Why are addictions so glorified by the press? It is kind of sexy sounding when a celeb goes into rehab..or goes to hang out with sober mates to try and ‘clean up’. It isn’t like that for us mere mortals.

The problems I had with addictions cost me my friends, yes..but alos my dignity, my self worth and my identity….let alone all the money..oh, and trust, respect and very nearly my life. Unlike SH and the like I do not have the option of checking into a ‘sexy’ rehab clinic. As it stands I have been fighting the NHS in my area for over a year for the oppertunity to go to a specialised inpatient unit for my eating disorder..and of late i have been fighting for even basic talk therapy.

Mental health is not will never be accurately pictured by the media, not even the ‘sensational, real life’ stories (that are edited, truncated and mis-qoutes are used as headlines.)

I guess it frustrates me that a celebrity fights with alcohol/pills.drugs and all the ‘celeb friends’are quoted saying..’they should just go to rehab’ if it is a quick fix or a walk in the part. Firstly, for us normally screwed up addicts, it is just that easy and can only ever start you on the road to self healing/health.

Bleck. Rant over…I am going to go prod my water pillow some more and cross my fingers for more than a few minuites sleep before waking up in pain.

( I am currently reading self-help books on the topic of Fibro, reviews to come shortly).

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Lamps, Lighting, Pain Disorders and Depression

Sorry, I have been quiet.

When pain things and mood things decide to hold hands and jump out a high flying plane together I tend to go a bit mental.

I have been can’t-out-of-bed sad and look-like-a-twat-when-I-try-to-walk pain. Last night I had a headache that, I swear, was unlike anything I have ever felt before. It was no migraine. It was his bastard, thug father with bells on. Poor Boyfriend was lovely and has NHS Direct on Speed dial and was so worried he tried to bundle me off to a&e. I managed to get some sleep eventually after a lot of Tramadol and extra sleep meds…but, urgh. It was pretty scary, and I thought I was past the point of scared-at-my-stupid-bodyness. Maybe not.

Today I have an appointment with The Eating Woman. I totes do not want to see her. There is a small part of me that wishes my headache was so bad that I can’t sit up, as then i’d have a reason not to go. (and I do wonder if that is why the bastard thing originated in the first place, as some fucked up kind of ‘superman headache’ that wanted to rescue me from the life I do not want to attend too anymore while also causing me as much discomfort as possible.)

On the plus side I finally got around to buying some new stuff for the room Boyfriend and I share. It used to belong to my brother. He likes action man. The curtains were camouflaged, the furniture stained dark green and covered in action-man type stickers. The bedding and carpet a dark brown…I’ll take photos of new ‘updated’ room but here are some things I really really wanted to put in it..

I want it!!!!!!!!

I think this is the first time in my life I have got excited about lighting. But – Look At That Lamp! I like tea cups, I like pretty china, I amstill somewhat confused by the fact I like pink and girly, but it seems to be true of my decor tastes…put simply…I wannnnnt thhhaaaat Laaaaaaaaaamp! (aand the sofa and All The Stuff Now Please Ta)

So, i wouldn’t have a room totally like the above…(a)there is no ashtray I can see and (b) it is just a wee bit too ‘Laura Ashley (that is ignoring the fact i’d never afford stuff from Laura Ashley anyway..)

but mine is a bit based on that..just, with an ashtray..and less money..and stuff

I did however, find amazing bedside lamps, which, sort of quelled my ‘omgiwanttheexpensivelamp’ tantrum. Mostly because they look like pets. And because I have the idea that no-one else would actually re-home them…(by re-home I obviously mean ‘put in thier room’ and am not at all personifying a lamp)…

it's a lamp pet!!!

He is currently in the post. 🙂 I am hoping he will arrive in a box full of foam curl things, because they are exciting. Boyfriend agreed I could have him/the lamps as long as I bought him a green-shelled one for his side of the bed. Boyfriend has already named his Derek, yet claims to be unexcited about his impending arrival..

Dereks brother (as Derek is in the post)

I realise that these lamps may not give that much light…but…y’know, i am pretty proud that I am in a Adult Mindset where I am actually excited about bedside lighting and do not really care how much of the stuff the give out..they look like Tortoises, that is all I need.

Another step into ‘adulthood’ … I ordered my mum something off Debenhams website the other day and wrote a review. In my mind writing reviews for websites on ‘grown up stuff’ (like lamps, and in this case, placemats) is really grown up and takes a dedication to the buying-stuff cause.

Anyway. I shall post poor quality photos of my room soon, unless of course The Eating Woman eats me or locks me in a cupboard or prevents me from leaving the tin-caravan I see her in. I am hoping to see if I can see Shrink Man today as well as the lack of mood meds may be better for my liver and kidneys…but no-one can bear to stay in my presence and I can’t really remember the last day that I did not have to put up with my head thinking stupid thoughts about hurting myself or doing Bad Things.

A blog post about mood disorders, The Eating Woman and can tell I plan these posts, eh?

(Oh, Rosemarie, thank you so much for the nomination, I need to work out how to post it, which I will do when am not supposed to already be dressed and heading to appointment, thank you so much)






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